Monday, March 19, 2007

Everything is BIG in America!

Everything is BIG in America.

Big highways. Massive cokes at McDonalds. Huge trucks. Large humans...

People wonder why they are getting fat in America. I can tell you why. Everything is too big.

When you order a large coke in a Canadian McDonalds Restaurant, you get a fist-width plastic cup filled mostly with ice. Order the same thing in America and they hand you a party thermos – for 99 cents!

When Tim and I rented a car for Shepherds’ Conference, we opted for a Ford F150. A nice big 5 adult passenger pick up. We thought we would be massive on the road. But people in California drive Nephilim Vehicles. Our truck felt like an old Pontiac Firefly surrounded by sparkling earth movers.

Not content with that, somebody decided to make all the trucks and autos feel bigger in California by shrinking the lane width on all the highways. So this is great. Everyone driving super-sized, steroided trucks in 6 foot wide lanes!

But it is not just California.

My family spent a night in Toledo last week. At our morning breakfast I scanned the room and have to say that 80% of those present (including children) were in need of some serious weight loss. It got me to wondering what America would do if war came to her shores? Perish the thought, but it would take quite a bit of time to trim everyone down to fighting size!

Why bring this up at all?

Well, I live next-door to America, and I am fearful the same desire for “everything bigger and better” is wafting northwards. I am not joking when I say there is currently a visible difference when you cross the border from Ontario to Michigan. I wonder how long it will last?

And while we are talking about Michigan, here is an open letter to Jennifer Granholm, the Governor of Michigan:

Dear Ms. Granholm,

Fix your roads.

May I suggest you try making them out of asphalt – instead of concrete? You see, it gets cold a lot in Michigan and cement cracks. Asphalt stretches.

Sincerely,

Kerux

And that is all I wish to say about that.

Except this: As much as I might complain about America, I still love it... and Americans. More than you would guess!

I even married one!

8 comments:

  1. Driving home from Atlanta on Sunday, we had just crossed into Michigan and Aileen asked "Are we in Michigan yet?" I said, "Yes, can't you hear the difference?" Driving on the I-75 through Michigan is like driving through Baghdad with all the bumps and divots and potholes. It's pathetic.

    As for super-sized America, I find it funny that a Canadian "small" at a fast food restaurant isn't available in the US. Instead the American small is our medium. And the American super-sized would make most Canadians throw up just seeing it!

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  2. In America, "If bigger is better, then biggerer is betterer!" This goes for potholes as well as drinks and vehicles!

    --Rich

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  3. It’s so true. If you come up to Toronto from the States it’s one of the first things you notice … the small coffee at Tim’s is the size of the little white cup they give you at some fast-food joints for ketchup ... but on the other hand, I have seen that attitude comes in smaller sizes here too. And I for one have come to appreciate the lower volume of Canadian personality. Mind you I personally still feel far far superior to all Canadians and Americans alike as someone from the greatest city in the world—New York! :).

    ps, hope to see you for coffee in the morning

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  4. J.G. -

    Like ALL NYC'er's.... YOU ROCK!

    And shall I assume you will be ordering a GRANDE tomorrow?

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  5. Haha Nephilim vehicles! Thanks for the nod Paul.

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  6. This is funny. I saw you and Tim in the parking lot at Grace Community Church. I was that silly person looking at Tim and saying: "You are Tim Challies." I do live in Northern Califonia, but I grew up in little Switzerland so I know excactly what you are talking about. The only big thing I like here is the size of the coffee mugs, but what I wanted to say is that when I noticed the Ford truck that you two had rented, I was thinking, why did they rent such a monster?

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  7. Anonymous -
    I remember you well, sister! You had every right to wonder what we were doing with that monster truck! If memory serves me right, weren't we stacking up books in the truck bed to take a photo of them... that never worked!

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