Wednesday, August 29, 2007

'splain this! The Coffee Cup Lid Alignment Plot.

Why, out of all the wonderful inventions in the world, can someone not devise a coffee cup that will refuse to allow the "mouthpiece" of the lid to line up with the seam of the cup?

Does this not drive you batty?

You have 25 cm of circumference and somehow, some way, that little exit hole in the lid lines itself up with the ridged seam of your cup 94% of the time! And this, of course, is dreadfully annoying!

Who can stand that feeling of the paper ridge pressing up against their bottom lip? It breaks the perfect seal. Loosens ones grip. Ruins the whole drinking experience. You should be thinking about how glorious that Yukon Bold tastes... instead you are worried about dripping down the front of your shirt.

And I wish I could say it was the fault of your local barista. “Yes, let’s shift the blame to them!” you shout. But hold your horses. Don’t you find you put the lid on this way just as much as they do?

Which leads me to this conclusion.

It is a plot.

To make us drink more coffee.

If we had one week of perfect coffees with perfect cup/lid alignment – we might stop drinking it altogether. Nirvana reached. Why mess with happiness?

Thus, to keep us forking over ridiculous amounts of money, some NASA-reject has carefully engineered “the coffee lid.” Whether it is through slightly weighting the lid to one side or the addition of micro-magnets, I do not know. But, trust me – it is a plot.

So, I say, coffee-drinkers of the world UNITE!

And buy a travel mug.